


The Trouble With Online Dating

by DoYourResearch



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-09
Updated: 2014-01-09
Packaged: 2018-01-08 03:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1127709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoYourResearch/pseuds/DoYourResearch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Molly tries her luck at online dating and an annoying consulting detective invites himself along for the date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Trouble With Online Dating

"What are you doing here?" Molly asked with a panicked squeal in response to the consulting detective's greeting of, "I'd keep your purse close to you, Molly, this one has a gambling problem and is currently drowning in a six-figure sum of credit card debt."

 

She had been on a date, enjoying the summer air at a small outdoor café with a man she had met online through a dating app she had installed on her phone a few weeks prior. She sat there horrified as the man nervously looked between her and a creepily smiling Sherlock Holmes before getting up and almost running away, glancing over his shoulder to make sure he wasn't being followed.

 

Sherlock swept into the suddenly vacant seat, "Aren't first dates a rush?"

 

Molly's looked helplessly at the man she wished understood her feelings as well as her need to branch out before she drowned herself in unrequited love. He looked smug and pleased with himself and she wasn't sure if she wanted to cry or just hit him really hard.

 

A third option appeared in her mind as she growled in frustration, threw money on the table and stomped away. Her shoulders were hunched up to her ears and if she weren't in public, she'd probably scream just to vent the fury that was raging inside her.

 

Sherlock watched Molly retreat with an expression of interest as he sipped her date's untouched coffee. It was just how he liked it.  
\-----------------  
The man's mouth tasted like Italian salami and Molly thought that even weirder due to the fact they had had Indian for dinner. The suitor was just another man Molly had found on her phone and was terrified when meeting him to discover his pictures were probably a good decade old. His full head of hair had diminished to a case of typical male pattern boldness and it looked like he had a basketball hiding under his shirt.

 

Despite all of that, Molly tried her best to enjoy dinner and let the man, named Tony, kiss her out of politeness as she waited for her bus. When it finally arrived, she had hoped that when she said she was too tired to go to the pub after dinner, it meant she wanted to go home. Alone.

 

The man stepped on the bus with her and she found herself paying for both their fares. She cringed when she saw the empty bus as she sat down. He plopped more than sat down next to her and made a move to kiss her again. She turned her head and managed to say, "Not on the bus, that's just rude."

 

The confused man looked around, "Ain't anybody here but me and you, doll."

 

Molly cringed at his terrible grammar and now that they were under the lights of the bus, she could see bits of food in teeth. She tried her best to keep from being sick. She couldn't imagine Indian food being the most pleasant of vomits to clean up.

 

No amount of shrugging could keep the Tony's arm from her shoulders as they walked the block from the bus stop to her flat. She stood on the stoop and quickly blocked him from stepping up, "Thank you for walking me home."

 

The man grinned and made a move to step up to her and for once in her life she was relieved to hear the dark baritone voice, "Molly, you're home earlier than expected." Molly's date turned around and needed to lift his head high to look at the face of her savior. She couldn't help but beam an appreciative smile as Sherlock looked down at the man. 

 

"What's this... undiagnosed cardiac disease, athlete's foot, and the smell of three day old underwear? How _do_ you find them?"

 

"Oi, who's this bloke?"

 

Molly gasped as her date raised his hands and pushed on Sherlock's chest, sending him stumbling back several steps. She stepped down off the stoop and tried to come between the two men, "You don't want to do that."

 

Her words fell on deaf ears as Tony began to roll the sleeves of his shirt and crack his knuckles. Sherlock just gave him a small smile of amusement. She stepped back, rolled her eyes, and called Greg Lestrade before another unit was called first.  
\----------------------  
Perhaps, Molly thought, the third time really is the charm as she sat across from the handsome lawyer that had messaged her through the dating app. His name was Philip and Molly thought he was everything a man should be.

 

The restaurant he had taken her to was quite posh and even though she wore her best dress, she still felt subpar. Philip didn't seem to mind and she found herself enamored by his talk of getaways on a sailboat, charity work with at-risk youth, and his compelling need for romance. 

 

Molly couldn't care less what the cab driver thought of her as she shamelessly snogged the man on the way to her apartment. She would have ripped their clothes off right on that seat if the ride had been any longer. She moaned loudly in the hallway as she fumbled with her keys to her flat as he latched onto a sensitive spot just behind her ear with his hot lips.

 

Once in the door, Molly threw her purse and coat to the floor without a thought and crushed her mouth against Philip's, practically ripping his jacket off his body before leading him by his tie to her bedroom.

 

Molly blindly slapped the wall as she tried to find the light switch without ending the heated lip lock with the lawyer. She finally found it and moved her hand to pull on his shoulder when he pulled away from her and gasped, "What's this?!"

 

Molly froze and closed her eyes, her back still facing the room. With a deep breath through her nose and a grind of her molars she waited for it. She was not disappointed.

 

"Married, three kids, another on the way. Probably told you he's wealthy but he can't even afford to live in London. Told his wife he's in town to look for work but not the kind she's thinking of."

 

Philip, if that was even his real name, was gone before Molly turned around to see Sherlock laying on the bedspread her grandma had made for her in high school. He was fully dressed with even his coat, scarf, and shoes on and her cat, Toby, purring contently in his lap.

 

"Really, Molly, why do you even bother?" The consulting detective said, moving Toby off his lap and happily gliding out of her room. Molly stepped over to her bed, grabbed a pillow and brought it to her face. She bit down firmly on it and screamed.  
\---------------------  
"How does he know, John?! How does he bloody know?!" Molly was screaming at him as he stepped into the lab at St. Bart's to pick up a file for Sherlock. He stopped in his tracks and let a look of fear overtake him at her outburst.

 

He mumbled carefully, "I'm guessing this has to do with Sherlock?" 

 

Molly held the inoculating loop in her hand as if it were a weapon, "Of course, I'm talking about Sherlock bloody Holmes! Who else could cause this much irritation?!"

 

John replied pointedly, "Good thing you hardly know Mycroft then."

 

Molly continued to glare at him and he finally asked, "What has he done this time?"

 

The tiny pathologist slammed the inoculating loop on the steel counter with no concern for contamination, "He has showed up at everyone one of my dates over the past two months and he... does what he always does and ruins everything!"

 

Despite most of her dates being right out disasters before Sherlock's intervention, his presence was infuriating and she was desperately finding herself in need of a shag. She couldn't care less at this point what secret they were keeping from her or if they'd ever call her again.

 

"He's an honest to god cock block and I don't even like saying the word!" 

 

John's face dropped in shock at her forwardness and the the four letter word he could never imagine coming from her seemingly innocent mouth. He couldn't help but chuckle after the shock wore off, "And he wonders why Mary and I didn't take the flat in 221C."

 

"John, I just want to know _how_ he knows so I can make it stop before I kill him one of these nights," Molly finally explained with a hint of exhaustion.

 

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

 

John and Molly jumped at the voice but relaxed when they saw it was only Greg. He held a cup of coffee in his hand and said, "You wouldn't be talking about out favorite consulting detective, would you?"

 

Molly gave Greg an annoyed look and he smiled, "Of course, you were. I don't know anyone else who gets you so peeved off."

 

Molly explained, with much frustration again, her problem with Sherlock Holmes. The two men listened and finally the detective inspector asked, "Can I see your phone?" With a confused look she handed it too him and he then he asked, while going through her settings, "Do you use one of those clouds that automatically backs up everything on your phone so you can access it from a computer?"

 

John and Molly looked at each other before looking back at Greg. He chuckled, "Well, I guess you didn't think you did."  
\-------------------------------  
Molly deleted the link from her phone to the cloud that they were certain had been put there by Sherlock. She did not go on anymore dates but she did not tell Sherlock about her finding out about the cloud. She watched him squirm for three days, seeing the guilt in the way he would glance at her when she thought he wasn't looking.

 

To the pathologist, as well as John and Greg, Sherlock's interference with her dating life seemed to be stemmed to the belief that if she were in a successful relationship than his access to the lab and morgue might he compromised. They never questioned him about it and several weeks passed with the entire situation fading to the backs of their minds.

 

It was late one night while curled up with Toby and a glass of wine that Molly opened the dating app that she had completely forgotten about. There were numerous messages in her inbox but there was several from one man in particular. His photo wasn't of the best quality and that made her hesitant but each message contained a beautiful sonnet.

 

Perhaps it was the wine, perhaps it was the loneliness. Molly couldn't tell you why but she messaged the man back and instantly got a reply.  
\----------------  
It was probably not the smartest idea to take another chance at online dating. It was probably worse by tenfold due to the fact she hardly even knew who the man she was about to meet looked like. She hadn't even gotten his name. Now that she thought about it, she feared Greg and Sally Donovan would be picking her body out of a dumpster tomorrow morning.

 

Regardless, Molly had showed up to the elegant restaurant. She was told the reservation would be under her name and it was. Molly blushed to herself realizing how much worse it really was. She had a strong feeling she had just set herself up for embarrassment as she suspected no one was coming to meet her. It was probably some sick joke played on her by some kids looking to torture lonely souls.

 

After waiting more than twenty minutes and receiving several sad stares from other patrons of the establishment, Molly began to get up, grabbing her purse to leave money for the wine she had ordered to calm her nerves. Her face felt on fire with the humiliation.

 

"I'm sorry I'm late, you can only imagine how terrible traffic is on a Friday night in London."

 

Molly's red face turned white as the pristine napkins on the beautifully set table and she felt her eyes begin to water as she looked to the voice. She gave the man a helpless look, "Not tonight, Sherlock. I'm going home."

 

Sherlock's face scrunched up in confusion, "But what about dinner?"

 

"No date for you to chase off tonight, my apologies," Molly said bitterly and carefully wiped her eye to keep her makeup from smudging. The last thing she wanted was eyeliner and mascara running down her cheeks to make her feel even worse about herself.

 

Sherlock still remained with the confused look, "Chase? Who would there be to chase?"

 

Molly glanced around at the people staring at them, "Look, Sherlock, I'm embarrassed enough as it is. Can we please just..."

 

Sherlock was wearing a tuxedo, Molly realized. He normally erratic curls were handsomely tamed but the tuxedo was what kept screaming at her. Her face burned red once more, "You. It's you."

 

No response came from Sherlock as he moved to the seat Molly had vacated and pulled it out for her. Her body felt numb as it moved without her control to the seat. She allowed him to take her napkin and gracefully drape it on her lap. He quickly sat across from her and said, "Yes, Molly, I am your online suitor."

 

"But why?"

 

With a sigh the well dressed man responded, "Because I was worried about the questionable men you saw fit to go out with and realized that I could never approve of any of the choices you picked."

 

"But _why_?"

 

Sherlock looked intently at the pathologist and pursed his lips slightly, "I could never approve of any of them because I would never approve of anyone less than myself and let's face it, Molly, those are hard to come by." 

 

"Glad to see your ego is as intact as ever," Molly managed to smirk. She looked up at the waiter who arrived to fill her wine glass and give them menus. She watched over the top of her menu as Sherlock looked through his and asked, "Will you actually be eating tonight?"

 

Sherlock arched an eyebrow, "Of course, why wouldn't I be eating? This restaurant has one of the most sanitary kitchens I have ever seen."

 

"I've never seen you eat."

 

"That's because I'm always working."

 

"And you're not working?"

 

"Obviously not, since I'm planning on eating."

 

The stare down that was occurring between the two was noticed by several people around them. It took the waiter's interruption to break the invisible connection. Once they had ordered and he had left, Molly said, "So, if you're not working than what is this?"

 

Sherlock rolled his eyes, "I thought we already established this as a date."

 

There was a pause and Molly let the words sink. A smile grew from her face and she said, "This is a date. I'm on a date. With you."

 

"Do keep up," Sherlock said with a smirk that she returned. 

 

The meal went along as smoothly as it could. Molly had to keep Sherlock from deducing the other diners and almost cried when he paid the bill. When they were outside and a cab arrived, Molly asked, "Do you want this one?"

 

Sherlock, baffled, asked in response, "Did I displease you over the course of the evening?"

 

Confused as ever when it came to the man she said cheerfully, "I had a wonderful evening!"

 

"So, I shouldn't automatically assume that by having a positive experience that you're keen on sharing a cab with me to your modest flat and then inviting me inside for intercourse?" 

 

Sherlock looked positively distraught at his miscalculation as Molly's jaw dropped, "Oh! Oh! That's what you were getting at!"

 

The cab driver beeped his horn and Sherlock opened the door for her, "My apologies, Molly Hooper."

 

Molly bit her lip and began to get in the cab. Before Sherlock could close the door for her, she reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him in the cab with her as she yelled her address to the driver.


End file.
